People who don’t respect other’s boundaries have the attitude toward life, “I should be able to do what I want regardless”. In fact, controlling spouses hear that they are hurting someone they love. They hear that things need to change is difficult and often painful.
Allowing your spouse to say “NO” to you.
Humbly admitting you have been trying to control your spouse. Submitting to God’s process of learning boundaries and self-control
Respecting your spouse’s freedom
Restraining the tendency to withdraw from your spouse, attack her or him, or make your spouse feel guilty.
Becoming aware of your helplessness to truly control anyone.
Asking for your spouse’s feedback when you cross his or her boundaries.
These tasks are not pleasant and are a lot of work/ So it is understandable that any spouse would experience receiving boundaries in a marriage as unpleasant. Accepting boundaries hurt sometimes. It is important to identify your pai even if it is growing pains.
Hebrew 12:11 ‘no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” And we believe that boundaries are the only way to keep love alive.
Often one of the greatest problems between couples is that boundary- loving spouse does not understand the perspective of the boundary resistant one. The boundary lover does not grasp that the boundary resistant one does not see things the same way. Often surprised and shocked to learn how different his or her spouse thinks and feels about this matter. It is important to give each-other room to understand both point of views.